


C’est La Vie, Say the Old Folks

by singintomymouth



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-06 13:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singintomymouth/pseuds/singintomymouth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is slowing falling back in place. Post-Avengers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	C’est La Vie, Say the Old Folks

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo I haven't written anything in two years but I saw The Avengers and I wanted to jump back in the game. I am pretty nervous to be posting this, in all honesty, but here goes nothing! Any and all feedback/criticism is welcome and much appreciated!

Tony finishes building the Avengers Tower in like, crazy record time. Like, four months after Loki steamrolls New York. It’s probably not that crazy considering he has money falling out his ass (and he will tell you that story if you sit still long enough or if he’s drunk).

Jane and Darcy move in to help with sciency things that Darcy pretends to understand but really she’s thinking about changing her Facebook cover photo to her arranging goldfish on Clint while he was asleep. Darcy loves living with them because it’s man candy central and plus everyone is super cool. Clint teaches her how to pick locks and tie crazy-ass knots and Bruce teaches her how to meditate and brews this kickass tea from some tiny country she’s never heard of. Tony sends her shopping with Pepper to get her out of the lab when they’re working extra hard and that’s ballin’ as shit because Pepper has awesome taste and also she lets Darcy use the Stark Industries credit card to buy expensive leather boots. Natasha scares the shit out of her but she also teaches her how to throw knives. Thor gives her bone-crushing hugs and calls her “Lady Darcy” which is awesome because he’s like a walking Renaissance Faire.

In return, the Avengers have nothing but mad respect for Darcy, mostly due to the fact that she tased the shit out of Thor and that’s downright hilarious.

-

Everyone moves in and it’s weird, but it kind of works. It’s weird because there’s the basement where Bruce blows off steam and there’s Tony’s lab that everyone kind of wanders through even though he gives them grumpy old man face and Clint is usually in the vents fucking with someone while Natasha and Steve are in the gym. And these things are totally normal.

Thor visits them on occasion. The last time he came flying out of the sky, they took him to Times Square which was the best day ever, mostly because he saw the Naked Cowboy and that kind of set him back in terms of what he understood about Midgardian social mores and he asked him a lot of questions and the poor bastard just stared at him, terrified.

So they’re a family, more or less.

And families have their issues, as well as their accomplishments.

-

Bruce is the only one who can make Natasha gasp and not in the way a man would want to make her gasp. She won’t admit that he shook her up and he won’t stop apologizing with his eyes. He knows and so does she, but it’s easier that neither of them say anything. Just accept it and move on as best they can, and they’re trying, but it’s hard. She’s tougher than that, she _knows_ she is, and she feels disgusted with herself.

Clint sleeps worse than he used to. He wakes with screaming nightmares and forces himself to look in the bathroom mirror to make sure his eyes are brown, not glowing and blue.

Tony begins waking up as he falls out of bed, sure that he’s plummeting through space and time and whatever the fuck else.

Darcy misses Coulson a lot more than she ever thought she would, even if he stole their shit that one time. It was in the name of justice and stuff and he was really awesome and sarcastic.

And Jane misses Thor.

They could all greatly benefit from therapy, in Pepper’s opinion, but Tony just blows her off with a kiss.

-

On a day when the earth doesn’t need saving, Clint and Darcy watch a SyFy movie called _Lionbeast 3000_ or _Platywombat_ or something like that while Natasha shakes her head judgmentally, but joins them nonetheless. Clint has a laugh like a lawnmower starting and it makes Darcy laugh even harder. Thor comes in and comments that they have creatures like that in Asgard called something Darcy can’t pronounce. Clint tells Thor that this is actual footage from Asgard and Natasha throws a pillow at him, telling him to shut the fuck up.

Darcy is like 98% sure they’re banging on the DL.

-

Sometimes Darcy takes Steve on field trips when she can pull him out of the gym. They go to the movies and Ellen’s Stardust Diner and pretty much anywhere that she wants because she has a S.H.I.E.L.D. credit card and they aren’t gonna hassle her for buying Captain America the best fucking macaroni and cheese he’s ever had. Steve takes her to his old neighborhood and to baseball games, but refuses to teach her how to swing dance because he’s like four of her and he has two left feet (or so he claims). She adores him because he’s a sweetheart and he holds the door open and gives her his jacket when it’s chilly and he likes her because she explains Tony’s pop culture references in great depth and she tells him dirty jokes and doesn’t treat him like a child.

Tony forbids her from letting him watch anything by Quentin Tarantino or Robert Rodriguez because apparently that wouldn’t be good for him, blah blah blah. This destroys her plans of getting Steve to dress up as Mr. Blonde for Halloween. Whatever. Maybe Thor can be Mr. Blonde and Steve can be a fucking Disney prince, which wouldn't be a stretch.

-

It’s only a matter of time before someone decides that the Avengers must be immortalized in porn, or as Darcy calls it, The Best Day Ever.

“Cockeye?” Clint says, wrinkling his forehead. “It sounds like I have dicks coming out of my face or like I’m cross-eyed. Either way, I can’t shoot.”

“At least you aren’t Steel Man,” Tony says glumly. “I envisioned my mark on the world of pornography would be way cooler. Tony Starknaked? That’s just not even trying.”

Natasha won’t even talk about it, and Bruce is just horrified by the whole thing. Steve is not allowed to know anything, but Thor tells him anyway.

“Steve Rogered?” he asks, looking to his teammates for support and an explanation.

Darcy just falls off the couch laughing, glad she doesn’t have to explain that one. “You could be Thor Bonedinson,” she points out through her tears.

“I don’t want to be any of them. This is disgusting,” Steve says firmly, justice shining in his eyes or whatever.

“We are not talking about this anymore!” Tony yells in a shrill tone. “This is a no-pornography area.”

“Well, I never thought I’d see that day come,” Pepper says as she comes down the stairs with some papers for Tony.

“Have you seen what they’ve done, Pep? They’re commemorated us in porn and they got it all wrong,” Tony complains, running his hands through his hair.

“You should not be this upset, Tony. It’s kind of disturbing,” Pepper tells him, handing him a pen. Tony signs off on stuff without reading them, probably ordering an attack on Machu Picchu or something.

-

To no one’s surprise, Tony breaks down and watches it within a week and declares it one of the worst decisions he’s ever made in a history of terrible, awful decisions.

-

Tony calls it cultural immersion, everyone else calls it movie night. Darcy gleefully picks _Kill Bill_ and tells Tony he can suck it. Jane makes them watch _How To Train Your Dragon_ , which makes Thor all homesick because apparently those exist in Asgard.

“You cannot make Steve watch _Boogie Nights_ , Tony,” Pepper says at breakfast in her best _I’m your CEO, you have to listen to me_ voice. From their spots on the couch, Natasha and Darcy can sense that some twisted Stark-brand justification is coming in hot. Natasha turns down the volume of the television so they can listen in.

“It is about a celebrated time in our nation’s history, he would enjoy it.” Natasha rolls her eyes at Darcy.

“ _National Treasure_ is more patriotic than _Boogie Nights_ , Tony,” she tells him dryly.

“You’re just trying to make him uncomfortable, and that’s not what movie night is about,” Natasha tells him as she walks into the kitchen to put away her dishes.

“Yeah, you’re supposed to pick something that means something to you,” Darcy pipes up from the couch.

“First of all, it’s cultural immersion, and second of all, you picked _Kill Bill_ to spite me,” Tony responds, raising his eyebrows.

“I did not pick that to spite you, I picked it because I happen to enjoy movies about women on revenge sprees,” Darcy replies defensively, not meeting his eyes, because yeah, she picked it to spite him.

“You told me to suck it.”

Darcy stomps out in her pajamas to go tell Jane that her boss was being a dick.

That night, they watch _Paranormal Activity_ because Tony knows that Darcy is a big chickenshit.

-

Karaoke night becomes a Friday night tradition and it was all Natasha’s idea, surprisingly enough. It’s a hole in the wall place, one of the ones with the back rooms so the whole bar doesn’t hear Tony make a mess of ‘Hotel California’.

Dusty Springfield is Jane’s go-to (especially when she’s knocked a few back). Darcy favors Blondie and Cyndi Lauper, while Clint will sing anything. Bruce is a huge Beatles fan, shocker. Tony’s all classic rock and Natasha is all about the Eurhythmics and Stevie Nicks (“none of that Fleetwood Mac shit”). Thor and Steve just come to be friendly because Steve is tone deaf (his one imperfection) and only really knows Cab Calloway and Thor has blown out like three microphones in their previous visits because he’s a foghorn.

They’re all well on their way to Hangoverville, USA (well, not Steve or Bruce or Thor, the bastards) as Clint belts out a particularly bitchin’ cover of ‘You Never Can Tell’ when Happy comes to pick them up in Tony’s fancy schmancy limo. Natasha threatens to choke Tony out with his own tie because he’s a chatty drunk and everyone just wants quiet on the ride home.

Thor pulls her off him when he begins to sing ‘Rocket Man’ two blocks from the Avengers Tower.

-

And that’s life for them. It’s not perfect, by any means. They fight (like when Tony calls Steve Methuselah and Steve calls him a narcissistic jackass or when Clint drops out of the vents behind Bruce and breaks his concentration and Tony has to rebuild a good portion of the lab) but it isn’t anything that will tear them apart. Because that’s what a team (or “good looking freak parade”, as Clint says) is about, or something like that.

 

_fin_


End file.
